I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
PANTIES FOUND
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
