the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
