I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
