I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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