My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
