i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
