Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
