apparently the secret to your success is patron
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
