I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
