I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
