yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
