you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
