i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
