Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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