Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
