your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
