In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
