Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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