For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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