hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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