; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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