my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
where am i from again
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
