I hate your face
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
