Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
