soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
