How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
