Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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