I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
