i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
