My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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