I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
