Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
