im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
