why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
