he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We are two peas in an std pod
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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