Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
