He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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