12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
