I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
