If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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