From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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