Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
