I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
