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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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• (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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• (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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• (716): View more from New York

  I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...

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• (817): View more from Texas

  So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?

  (806): View more from Texas

  Yes.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.

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