I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
