I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
