Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
