im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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