i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my liver is dry heaving
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
