I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
