I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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