he thought i was a dude.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
