I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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