i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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